PART 5

Routine is not mundane, but necessary.


Whilst feeling mildly free spirited in my day to day life, I didn’t see myself as a militant routine-doer. But as soon as pretty much everything is stripped from you, it’s so important to find those little things that get you up, dressed (sometimes!) and looking after yourself.

Don’t get me wrong, I spent the first 4 weeks of quarantine eating my body weight in these delicious biscuits my Nanna made (pretty much every day as me and my Poppa scoffed them down). I sat day after day with my hair in a messy bun (but not cute like those beautiful girls on TikTok, more like Mrs Trunchable), in my pyjamas, lacking deodorant and suffering from mal-nutrition. I thought I was all good and just ‘relaxing’. Well, I was wrong. I felt rubbish, so did my skin, my hair, my mental health. Adjusting was hard.

I was talking to Em about this, about how we feel quarantine is similar to the grief curve of emotion. Perhaps not as extreme of course, but I was genuinely surprised at how difficult it was to adjust, I felt like I had no motivation to achieve anything, I felt like I was running on empty, empty everything, empty body, empty brain, empty words. I’ve been working from home through isolation, which has helped with the structure, however, during this period of motivation struggles, it almost didn’t matter what I was doing. 

I had days where I felt like everything was normal, 2 or 3 days would pass where I would crack on half-heartedly like nothing was happening in the outside world, and then it would hit me, the absolute madness and scale of this crisis, and I would sit and cry. Feeling hopeless, restless and incredibly off balance. Then 2-3 days of fine again, and it went on. Coming into week 9 and 10 have been a lot easier, which I don’t know if that’s good or terrifying that I could well be adjusting to this life indoors with no real human connections. It made me wonder how I’m going to feel when this is all over (said it again….).

Could it be that the reverse is possible? That I struggle for weeks to go back to normality? Honestly, I really have no idea how people are going to react. We may have one half of the population streaming down the streets, kissing each other, and the other half too scared to step out the front door. Sometimes I pause to think how unbelievable life is right now. Genuinely, I think if present me could have told past me that this is what 2020 had in store, I would have laughed my head off, because it truly is UNbelievable.

I think every day at how grateful I am that I’m healthy and so is my family, I hope whoever is reading this is safe and well too. I’ve digressed, again. Routine, that was it.

So coming into the last few weeks, things have been a lot better, however, even through the worst weeks, I found my staple routine item was my skincare. It’s interesting that even when you’re at your lowest, you can find a sense of joy in the little routine things you’re used to doing, I think perhaps the familiarity of it is comforting.

Since I can remember I have been a strict skincare user. I use products by Pixi Skincare if you’re interested, and just cannot go to bed without a good tone and moisturise.

If you’re feeling lost right now, know you’re not alone. Know that better days will come, and that finding that one tiny weeny little thing that makes you happy will be a constant through this to support you until it’s past the worst. Better days will come, and as good ol’ queeny said. We will meet again.